i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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