my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
