How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
