How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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