Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
