Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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