mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
