I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
