i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
