I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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