bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she smelled like a LAN party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
