Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
