Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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