Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
