Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
