my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How's work?
Spinning.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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