i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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