he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
