I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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