I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
