the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
