She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
