and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
