She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
