come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
