I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
