I can text with my tongue
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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