What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
