These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
