Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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