hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
