Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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