I wanna bring you to show and tell
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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