Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
