there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
