wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
