She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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