running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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