my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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