Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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