i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
