i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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