we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
