It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
