Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
