I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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