I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
