I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
