He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
