party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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